Alright, a lot of you probably know how sensitive I can be when it comes to opposing opinions... At least, when they're expressed negatively. I know some of you might see me as an opinionated baby because of the way I've snapped back at people over and over for the same thing. I'm actually aware of how terrible I can be and I wish I could control it. Sadly, I can't. I've tried for years to not let other people's views get to me, but I just can't do it.
Why, you ask? Well, aside from having Asperger's, it's a deep-rooted problem that dates back to my middle school days...
There was one kid in particular I used to be friends with back then. Keyword: USED. As it turned out, he was the most opinionated dickweed you could ever be friends with. If he didn't like something I liked, he wouldn't just let me know it. He'd try to spin me into hating it like he did. He did this for almost everything I liked. During our last year at that middle school, we really drifted apart, but I still thought of him as my friend for whatever reason, still trying to get on his good side and failing every time. By the time I realized what a jerk he was, it was too late. Middle school was over and I never got the chance to tell him what for.
That one kid messed me up something fierce. Because I was too timid back then to chew him out, I started making up for it by taking it out on anyone that acted even remotely like him, even if they weren't acting like it towards me. The worst of it was in high school, where I got really violent and loud and nearly everyone that bothered me. I fortunately got past the violence phase, but I still take my insecurities out on anyone who rudely disagrees with me. I'm really not proud of it. What sucks is that, even though I'm aware of this, I can't always control it. It's why I don't have a lot of friends outside the internet, as I don't trust myself around people in person anymore. I'm afraid that my violent high school self is still inside me somewhere and it might come out at the wrong time.
I'm not sure if I've explained this before, but I think it's important to let you people know these things. It gets it off my chest and hopefully helps you understand why I act the way I do.
Anyway, I'm off to bed. Pulling an all-nighter is not helping with my depression.
BTW, if you're wondering why I'm depressed right now, blame
. Take a peak at his recent (and poorly written) behavior that's gotten under my skin: comments.deviantart.com/1/4379…