I've since gotten over my latest depression, but I'm keeping this up because of all the nice comments I've received. They'll help cheer me up if it ever happens again.
Now for the original entry (but keep in mind that I got over this)...
Yeah, I'm slipping into depression yet again, over the usual thing: Being a Nickelodeon fan. I've been one for literally my entire life. It's always been my favorite channel... and pretty much no one else's anymore. Everyone but me's jumped ship. You don't know how lonely that makes me feel or how much doubt it fills me with.
I've been defending the network for ages over their admittedly stupid decisions, finding excuses for their actions. I have to come clean... It's not really because I support everything they do. It's because I'm so insecure with still liking them. The only thing keeping me from collapsing in a heap from all the judging haters is reassurance that they're not the "worst network ever" and that's been getting harder and harder every year. This is the network that abruptly cancelled Invader ZIM, cancelled all but 2 Nicktoons at the start of 2006, ran SpongeBob and Fairly OddParents for too long, refused to greenlight series for fan-favorite pilots like Adventure Time and The Modifiers, and instead pick up some of the most hated shows on TV in recent years, like Fanboy, Barnyard, and Breadwinners, all of which I'm embarrassingly a fan of. Add that to the recent debacle of how the network has handled The Legend of Korra, moving it solely to online after low ratings that they admittedly caused with poor promotion, and you have my current position... and it's not a happy one.
I still like all the shows they make--at least all the animated ones--and I want to love them, but the constant hatred they get has been too much to ignore. I feel like I'm being pressured to turn my back on them, just because of the general consensus of them and the network they air on, and instead turn to the popular stuff of other channels like Cartoon Network. Here's the problem: I don't want to. I've just never been into the shows the internet's into as much as the internet is. All those favorites like Adventure Time and Regular Show? I just can't get into them.
It makes me wonder... Can my opinions actually be wrong? Am I just a tasteless loser with no sense of quality? Have I been fighting for the wrong side this whole time? It certainly feels that way more and more with each passing day. I know I act chipper about this stuff a lot of the time, but it the back of my mind, doubt is always bugging me and it usually takes over when no one's looking.
You any of you know what it's like to be a die-hard fan of something for your whole life, only to have its image ruined? It's a terrible feeling. It's like your whole life has been a lie and you have nothing to live for anymore. I don't feel like ending it all. I'd never do that. It's just that I've lost my will to do anything anymore because my personal preference is frowned upon my almost everyone else. Yeah, they don't do it directly to me, but with the way they express their hatred, it sure feels like it.
I'm on the verge of just throwing in the towel as a Nickelodeon fan and never doing anything again. I just can't take the pressure around me anymore. Why do what you love when it involves something everyone else hates?
Unless I hear some good news or just some kind words that can snap me out of this funk, I think I'm done.